Receiving: Completing a Sacred Circuit

Recently I was reading Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention." He talks about how when we are kind we get a shot of seratonin. But not just the giver of kindness, the receiver and anyone watching gets a shot too.

Interesting. So giving changes our brain chemistry. I took that and filed it away. Then I had this experience.

I went to a great workshop given by the people at Human Awareness Institute. They do workshops about love, intimacy and sexuality; their mission is very much in alignment with mine:

"The Human Awareness Institute (HAI) empowers individuals to be potent, loving, contributing human beings. HAI promotes personal growth and social evolution by replacing ignorance and fear with awareness and love.

"HAI aims to create a world where people live together in dignity, respect, understanding, trust, kindness, compassion, honesty and love. The Human Awareness Institute is committed to creating a world where everyone wins."

The title of the workshop was "Community." The real theme of this workshop in my opinion, was about giving and receiving.

Their workshops in general are about how we can take really great care of ourselves. I always feel good leaving any of their workshops or events because there's a lot there about kindness, being really amazing to each other and non-sexual touch (and who can't use more touch!).

This time, after being loved up, we were really encouraged to communicate and give each other feedback about how we show up in community. I got really positive feedback about how I show up which was exciting because I want people to like me. After taking it in I realized that this was more about how I can show up when I'm full of love - when I've received all that I need. That getting what I need makes me really available to give.

Being full of love and positively reinforced inspired happiness - to show up more, be more playful, supportive, loving, and appreciative. That, in turn meant that I had a greater capacity and could receive more which meant that people wanted to give me more - hugs, cuddles, conversation, attention. More people wanted to be with me and that was more positive reinforcement, which made me happier and that lead to more positive feedback and more availability and more receiving so on. A big happy circle of love. Yay!

It made it clear that when I'm full and happy that I am a gift to my community, I am available, loving and helpful (not a surprise, right?).

So receiving makes me feel good and that makes me available and that makes others feel good and want to do nice things for me and each other. Receiving well made me available for giving.

That is not the message that we usually get about receiving. The message we usually get looks more like "don't be greedy" or "you should be contributing" or "don't be selfish." We are discouraged from receiving because it might make us look selfish or dependent. And in America one of the worst things in the world is dependency.

That, my friends, is a trap. We need each other.

I can hear you saying "I'm independent! I don't need anyone!" Do you... make all your own food? All your own clothes? Fix your own car? Built your own house? Built that cell phone you use to call your clients on? No. We need each other even in the most basic ways. Pretending we don't is another lie Americans tell themselves in order to sleep at night.

Take a moment - yes right now - to get present to all the people who give to you. You might even pay them, but it's others labor, genius, ingenuity and skills that make our lives go. Who makes your life go?

Receiving is a quality that is critical to completing the circuit of giving, but not something widely expressed, explained, or even acknowledged. I've heard about it and even talked about it and experienced it before, but getting it in my body again and watching others in response to me had me get something more that I hadn't gotten before.

Receiving is necessary for giving. Receiving is necessary for the giver to feel understood and appreciated.

Think about it this way, if you went to a birthday party and spent time choosing a present and the birthday girl was not interested in it and ignored you, how would you feel?

Yo'd probably have a range of emotions: not seen, not understood, taken for granted, sad, frustrated maybe angry. Are you likely to give them something in the future? Probably not.

Why? (And this is the question that we don't ask.)

Because you were not received.

If on the other hand, that same birthday girl is thrilled to receive your gift and goes around showing people at the party and puts the present in a place of honor and gives you a big hug, how does that feel? Are you likely to give to her again? Yes!

When you're seeking a business transaction, what are you really looking for?

To give and receive. Some one to give to you - to give you money. In fact these transactions are the full circuit. You want them to receive the gifts you give and you want to receive the money they have to give.

Well if you want someone to give to you, you have to be available to receive them. Some of that is logistical: the thing/service has to be ready, well-formed and available. But the other piece is emotional: you have to be prepared to receive their contribution - their money, time, energy, excitement for whatever they have to give.

You have to be available on both sides of the coin: available to give and to receive.

We're often available (or pretend we're available) to give. We know our service or our gift and we're prepared to give it. But what happens when they give to you? Do you receive it?

Money can be spent anywhere. Even necessities like grocery stores are so abundant that one need never shop at any grocery store you don't love. There is a lot of choice. So choosing a practitioner, service provider or product vendor is a huge gift.

Stop for a moment and take that in. The money that your client or boss or friend, partner, parents are giving you, for whatever reason, is a gift. It's a sacred trust. My clients give me money to help them transform their relationship with resources.

In order to do that, I really need to get them and understand what money means to them, ,to take time and open to who they really are. For me it's a sacred trust that someone is willing to open up enough to share a piece of their soul with me.

It is a gift to be given that level of trust by our clients for products or services. Gift. The definition of a gift is something given voluntarily and a special ability or capacity. In giving your gift, you're giving a gift.

I wonder what would happen if you decided that you were a gift - that you could give what you wanted as you felt really good about it. What happens when you receive your client's money with joy and openness? What happens when you give to your clients joyfully and with a generous spirit? If you turned every act of work into an act of kindness, how would the chemistry in your brain be?

Why Prosperity Work Often Doesn't

I see a lot of "Prosperity Work" going around - people teaching classes, communities doin events, books, television shows, etc. But people consuming it aren't getting rich. Or even making enough money to thrive.

Why is that? What is it that holds us back from having more money?

I can't say I have The Answer. But one of the most overlooked thing about money is: our relationship to it. Most people assume that they want more of it so they are going to do something, primarily an emotional thing - like prospereity work - to try to make it happen. First of all, this has to be accompanied by real world actions or it's virtually useless - unless you're teaching the class.

In using the approach of prosperty work, it assumes that whatever the issues is we need money to fix it. That also assumes things like it can be fixed and that we know the solution. Is that true or accurate or even useful?

Let's look at this from another angle. If you have difficulty with digestion and are suddenly hungry, is the answer more food?

Well, maybe. But we don't know.

The answer is to figure out what nourishment you require, acquire it, prepare it and make time to sit down and consume it. Having more food won't fix the issue, it won't nourish you and it won't prevent hunger or create a solution for addressing future needs that won't also irritate your digestive track. Your missing information, clairty and action.

There's a similar idea for relationships. If you have a difficult relationship with yoru parents, is the way to fix it to have more time with them? Sometimes. Maybe. I don't know.

The point is that just having more of a thing is over-simplistic and doesn't usually meet the needs of the seeker.

The thing that is generally missing from the equation is clarity. Most people have a twisted relationship with money or the things they use money for and so it's assumed that money, and only money, will fix a problem.

That way of thinking creates a level of scarcity and emotional constriction going into the situation that prevents clear thinking and therefore decisive action. You've created desperation and fear before you've even bagan. If you were afraid you'd never eat again, what would your next meal look like? And if you were afraid you'd never see your Mom again, what would that visit look like?

The question to ask yourself is: do you have clarity about your relationship with money? Have you so contricted and twisted up how you feel about money that you're not using your resources appropriately and so it's unavailable? Is there some way that you could be more honoring of money so that when it is available you can use it to it's fullest?

Just like planning meals is both necessary for running an efficient household (especially with kids!), creating a money plan is necessary for effective use of currency and resources. Planning focuses on clarity, intentions and goal setting as well as decisive action and review. This creates a space for money to be, a container to put it in (literally sometimes like accounts and investments) and a direction for it to flow.

If a plan is not available and active, all the asking in the world is not going to draw money to you, there's no space for it and no where for it to go.

I'm not saying "don't aquire more money" or even "stop doing prosperity work." The point is to get clear about what you're looking for and why, so that you make space to have the money that would really serve your needs.

Inoculations of Hope

In the pre-Obama world a lot of people working for peace and justice on the left had a lot of fear, doubt, pain and anger about the possibilities of change. But even in that place, one of my favorite resources has been Rob Bresnzy and his book Pronoia: The Antidote for Paranoia. Well today I found his blog.

It has a lot of things that are really right in the world. If you need a dose of hope, check it out.